Monday, November 17, 2008

Ahhh, The Memories...



When I was a little girl I used to come down from the country and stay with my grandparents in Melbourne every school holidays. The highlight of this stay would be a trip to the the local shopping mall to see a movie and the chance to spend our birthday money in Toys R Us. Every visit to the mall would culminate with a much sought after treat at Donut King. I always got the pink girl shaped donut and I would savour every bite. I remember these visits very fondly, it wasn't just the donut, it was the excitement of being in the big city and the happy times spent with my grandparents. Over the years, all these happy memories have been wrapped up and encased in that pink girl donut.

Years later, when I moved to Melbourne, on my occasional visits to the shopping mall I would still finish my shopping trip off with a visit to Donut King. Even as an adult I would still go and buy my pink girl donut and always remember my time with my gran and pop and it still made me happy.

Since I moved out to the 'burbs, my local supermarket is positioned so that it is literally impossible to get through the door without walking past Donut King. Instinctively, every time I go to the supermarket I now buy a pink girl donut. Every time. I have taken fond memories and turned them into a bad habit. I realised the other day that I don't even like these donuts that much. This has to stop.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Stupid

I am officially a moron. I left for Wellington in New Zealand on Sunday and when I packed my stuff I was slightly hung over and some how left behind most of the clothes I intended to pack. I had put them aside in the 'things I have to iron before I pack them when I can be fucked' pile and I failed to iron or pack them. So this means I have 2 tops to wear for 5 days of work. I wore one of these tops on the plane and spilt food on it.

So I went on a desperate clothes search yesterday but I really couldn't find much. It is hard enough to find clothes in Melbourne when you are fat let alone in bloody Wellington. I went to Farmers and bought a dress that I don't totally hate and can't afford. So I guess I'll wash my other top and that gives me 3 days clothes and I will just rinse and repeat.

I have been struggling enough as it is lately to find clothes to wear to work so you would think I would be more careful. Clothes drama aside, Wellington is a really lovely city and I just wish I had more time to enjoy the sights. Next time...

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Busy Times

Holy crap I have had a busy week. I made a pledge to not eat out during the month of November and I have had a bloody lunch meeting every day this week and no I didn't choose the healthy option. So I am kind of failing my challenge to eat at home, but at least I have only eaten out for work purposes which is something I can't avoid if I want to keep my job.

MONDAY
A 3 hour lunch meeting.

TUESDAY
Tuesday I went to the Melbourne Cup for work (yeah yeah, drinking champagne for work, tough life). It was an awesome day, the weather was beautiful and we had fun sitting on the grass drinking champers and eating our gourmet picnic hamper.

I did win some money, but I still haven't checked my ticket yet so I don't know how much. I had $5 each way on C'est La Guerre at 20-1 and it came third, so hopefully I'll get a few bucks.

Work even paid for me to stay in a gorgeous hotel in the city because I live out in the 'burbs. This turned out to be most advantageous in sleeping off a terrible hang over the next day before I stumbled in to work. I tried to tell people I had sunstroke, not sure if anyone believed me...

WEDNESDAY
A 3 hour lunch meeting, combined with a hang over- someone kill me.

THURSDAY
Another 3 hour lunch meeting.

FRIDAY
Flew to Sydney for the day to meet clients for lunch. Bloody exhausting and I hate flying.

TODAY
My high school best friend is coming down to stay and we are meeting another old friend for dinner and drinks.

SUNDAY
Going to Wellington (New Zealand) for work until Friday night. I suspect I'll be hung over again so that'll be a fun flight.


OK, I'll leave you with some photos of the Melbourne Cup. I had to be careful not to post any photos of anyone from work because I guess they'll crack the shits if they find it.



Me at home before I left.



Me getting ready at home- fake tan much?! Note to self, less is more when it comes to fake tan.



The crowd at Flemington race course.



The jockeys before the race.



The race that stops a nation... well what I could see of it...



Me at the end of the night- what a mess. In the battle of fake tan and sunburn, I think sunburn won!

Monday, November 03, 2008

Hawaii Photos

OK, get yourself a pina colda and strap yourself in for a long photo post!

My friend, AJ, and I took off for Hawaii on the 10th October to go to a friends wedding, but really it was just a good excuse for a beach holiday. We had the time of our lives and we truly indulged in every sense. I felt happy and relaxed from the tip of my toes to the ends of my hair.

I am not really a 'beach' person and that is probably because I feel uncomfortable going to the beach at my weight. I was surpised to find that I didn't feel uncomfortable the whole time I was there. There is such a chilled out vibe in Hawaii that you can't help but just relax and not care about anything. I was walking about the resort in my bathers without a care in the world.




We didn't sleep at all on the plane so when we were waiting for our connecting flight from Honolulu to Kauai I zonked out completely. I look terrible because I was so tired and had a cold and had a stomach bug for over a week, so I was pretty much drained. It took us three flights and about 24 hours to get from Melbourne to Kauai, but it was worth it.



When we got to the island of Kauai, we picked up our hire convertable and drove to Poipu to the gorgeous Sherton Resort. They gave us gorgeous fresh lei's and we were immediately ready to get into Hawaii mode.





Still having not slept for about 30 hours, that night we went to a wedding-eve luau where we got stuck into the Mai Tai's and a Hawaiian feast. I was so tired on this night that I thought I would wear extra bronzer to make me look more alert, instead I look like I need to wash the dirt off my face.



After the food and drink I fell asleep during the very looong show, but it apparently went something like this.



Me before the wedding (the humidity is responsible for my rosy cheeks and frizzy hair).



And my gorgeous date.



The guitarist for the beach at the wedding.



I am not sure if I should be posting pictures of people without their permission, but the bride just looked so beautiful that I had to post this.



At the wedding I did a lot of this...



And this...



And ended up like this at the end of the night...


Apparently the hotel staff were really concerned about me, but AJ reassured them that I do that pretty much every Saturday night so not to worry. Such an unflattering photo, but it certainly paints a picture!

It was one of the best weddings I have ever been to, it was so much fun. I have some pretty crazy photos, but because they involve people I don't really know I better not post them. It was definitely worth the trip and was an awesome night.

The next day I was (shockingly) relatively hang over free, so we got up and drove to the over side of the island to Princeville. We intended to go swimming, but the waves looked a little crazy so we kept away from the water. Turns out this was a good idea because 3 tourists died in separate incidents on these beaches on that day.









Later that night, back at the hotel, we enjoyed a beachside dinner and cocktails.


The next day we flew back to Honolulu and hired a Jeep and drove to the North Shore of the island. We were staying in the Turtle Bay Resort where they shot the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was a stunning resort and I think I could happily live there for the rest of my life.

We spent most of the next 7 days by the pool or the beach drinking cocktails and feasting on delicious foods. It was the happiest and most relaxing experience of my life and just what I needed after a stressful year. In no particular order, here are some pictures from our time on the North Shore of Oahu.


The view from my hotel room.



The beach at the hotel.



Margarita's and mexican food- heaven!



Some of the beautiful scenery on the island.



The Pineapple Express- just like the movie!



Us on the Pineapple Express, not quite as much fun as the movie... I think I look 9 months pregnant in this picture, I need to remember to sit up straight!



The worlds largest maze... I was in there for about 20 minutes and only found 1 of the 8 stamps I was meant to find. I decided I couldn't be fucked finding the rest so I left. Also, when you have a stomach bug, do not go in the worlds largest maze where you have no hope of finding a bathroom, it makes for some stressful times.



Good food and wine and good times



Oh my god, the chocolate in Hawaii is awesome. So many chocolate bars, so little time.



Relaxing by the pool with a trashy book.



The resort pool.



Normally I wouldn't eat shrimp (prawns) from a dirty truck on the side of the road, but I was assured that these were the best.



Looks messy, but they were pretty good!



The famous M. Matsumoto shave ice. So refreshing on a hot afternoon!



The gorgeous sea turtles. We were lucky enough to see lots of these beautiful creatures.



AJ with our Jeep.


We went into Waikiki once to go shopping and once to go out for dinner because it was only about an hour drive from the resort. It was a gorgeous place and there was such a great buzz in Waikiki but it was nice to get back to the chilled out vibe of the North Shore.


The beach at Waikiki




Playing on the beach at Waikiki



The shops at Waikiki.



I pretty much refused to drink anything unless it had an umbrella (and a shot of vodka).



The gorgeous Turtle Bay Resort.



Pretending to be a Sports Illustrated model...



Where I wish I was right now!



Another beautiful sunset.



Me eating Milk Duds at the airport at 4.00am and looking a treat.


A few more things...

* Kauai had more chickens running wild on the island then I have ever seen before. It is weird walking around a 5 star resort and seeing feral chickens everywhere.

* A guy stopped me in the street to tell me that I was the whitest person he has ever seen.

* Me and AJ had a taco eating competition in Taco Bell. That was a long drive back to the hotel...

* I became addicted to The Hills. I love American TV so much.

* I had a 3 hour delux pedicure and massage by the beach. This was the best experience of my life. Amazing.

* On the second day in Hawaii I decided to sunbake, even though my skin hasn't seen the sun for years. I even said "I don't need the 30 plus sunscreen, just give me the tanning oil". Those words came back to haunt me.

* I went shopping and got 3 pairs of bathers, 2 tops and a dress for $162- bargain!

* Sophie from Australian Idol was on our plane from Sydney to Melbourne. I love Sophie and was so sad to realise she must have been kicked off if she was on our plane. :-(

Thursday, October 30, 2008

November Challenge

I have set myself a challenge for November to only eat food from home (that I have bought from the supermarket, I don't slaughter my own meat). I have to admit that this is just as much about saving money as it is about being healthy. One of my biggest expenses is food, I love to eat so much that I find I spare no expense when it comes to food. Lately I have started to buy my lunches at work and I get home so late that it is often a take away. If I have a spare night I like to go out for dinner and by the time I order my food and drink a bottle of wine my bill is quite high- not to mention my calorie count!

So you may have noticed that I have avoided talking about dieting for a while and you can probably guess the reason. Just in case you can't, I will tell you that I have been a sloth and I haven't cared. I am a bit unhappy at the moment due to some work issues and it makes it hard to give a fuck about whether or not I should be eating a snickers bar. I have had the hunger really bad too and I am just ravenous all the time. I can really feel the weight gain every where.

Last night I made some small progress when at 8.30 pm I decided to get up and go for a walk around my neighbourhood. It was only a 20 minute walk and wouldn't come near to negating any of the shit food I ate yesterday, but it is a step in the right direction.

I am donating blood tonight after work, so I should lose a half a kilo of blood. I wonder if they'll let me come back every night for the next few weeks and maybe then I can make it to my 2008 goal weight...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tag, You're It!

I was tagged by Marshy for the 6 random things tag. I have enjoyed reading everyone else do it so I thought I should join in. Anyone who hasn't done it should have a go!

6 (not so) interesting things about me...

1. I have no skills and I am not good at anything. I can't play an instrument, sing, dance, play sport, paint or speak another language. Seriously, I am useless.

2. My mum married my dad and had my older brother when she was only 16. My parents later divorced (shocker) and she has now reverted back to being 16 again. I guess she feels like she never got to be 16 properly the first time or she doesn't know how to a single adult. This has been going on for the last 5 years and is highly annoying.

3. Some of the jobs I did before I worked professionally were: supermarket checkout chick, factory hand at a fruit factory, retail assistant in a plus size shop and in a call centre for the Yellow Pages. These jobs taught me more about life and people then any of my professional jobs and as much as I hated them at the time, I now look back on them fondly.

4. I dropped out of my honours degree in women's studies when I only had half a credit point left to finish. An opportunity came up for me to study for my Masters in Publishing and I couldn't do both so I dropped out of my honours. I moved to Melbourne from Geelong to do my honours (as women's studies was cut from my old uni) but I hated it because it was such a conservative course and I much preferred the radical feminist course I did in Geelong. I don't regret it for a second (though everyone thought I was crazy), I do regret that I am still paying that fucker off though.

5. Things I hate that most people love:
* My birthday- Too much attention makes me feel uncomfortable.
* Summer- Same reasons as Marshy.
* Animals- Well I don't hate them, I am just a germaphobe and don't like them to touch me.
* Coffee- I have never drunk it and I figure I don't need anymore bad habits.
* Tomato, mushroom and pumpkin- This is why I could never become a vegetarian because most vego meals feature one of those.

6. My first real kiss (with tongue) was with a girl. I'd go there again.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Playing Dress Ups



So these days Australia is getting all American and celebrating Halloween, which sounds like fun because I mean who doesn't like eating lollies and chocolate?! Well my little brother's Canadian girlfriend (who lives in Australia) started a tradition a few years back of throwing big Halloween parties. Every year I cringe and think 'what the fuck am I going to wear?'. Being a sexy kitten isn't exactly cute when you weigh over 100 kilos.

The first year I told my brother's girlfriend that I would just come and help set up but not stay for the party. Of course I ended up getting smashed (because hanging up decorations is thirsty work). So I painted my face green (using her green body paint because she was a ninja turtle) and wore a witches hat and called that a costume.

Last year I just avoided it all together. I may try to avoid it again but she is coming over to my place this Sunday to cook us all a belated Canadian Thanksgiving feast (she sure likes to be festive...) so if she pushes me to go I am going to have to come up with something. Her and her 3 (skinny) girlfriends are all wearing some lycra super hero costumes, thanks god she didn't try to include me in that. It is not an option to be a piker and not dress up because these people take dressing up seriously.

I considered just going with it and poking fun at my fat and dressing up as a contestant from the biggest loser. Or, I have this outfit I wear that consists of a tight black singlet top and tight black leggings- I then put on a loose wrap dress over the top so it looks quite nice in the end. Before I put the wrap dress on I always look at myself in the mirror and laugh because I look like an obese brunette version of Olivia Newton-John in that final scene in Grease! The problem is that I won't know 95% of the crowd and they are all cool, young hipsters and it might just look more tragic then funny.



This isn't my first dilemma with costumes, I couldn't count the number of parties I have avoided or given lame excuses for not dressing up (I came straight from work, I am going to another party after, I had to catch public transport...) because I am embarrassed to dress up. I can still remember when I was 10 we had to dress up as our favourite fairy tale character at school and I went as Gretel from Hansel and Gretel. Only one other girl in school dressed up as Gretel and she was the tallest and skinniest girl at school and everyone laughed because there was a 'fat Gretel' and a 'skinny Gretel'. Not only that, but just to rub salt in the wound, 'skinny Gretel' won the best costume competition even though my costume was better then hers, she just looked cuter in it. So now have this paranoia of looking like the 'fat version' of something or someone.

So what is a fat girl to dress up as for Halloween? What have you dressed up as in the past (bonus points for photos!)?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back In Town

I got back to Melbourne late last night after 10 blissful days in Hawaii. I had an amazing time and will write a long and boring post later in the week with plenty of photos.

I have close to 600 posts in my Google reader to get through, I can't wait to catch up on all your news! Right now I have to unpack, do some washing and get ready for work tomorrow. The honeymoon is over.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Aloha




I am off to Hawaii tomorrow for a couple of weeks, just a few problems...

1. The Aussie dollar has crashed and fallen 30% over the past couple of months
2. I have a bad case of gastro
3. I just got a head cold

So I haven't really eaten since Sunday because I have been so sick with a stomach bug. I thought I was just hung over on Sunday and then Monday I thought I just had a two day hang over and and felt crap because I hate going to work. By Tuesday I had to take the day off work and I knew it wasn't just a hang over. Since I am going on holidays tomorrow and was away at a conference all last week, I really had to come into work the last couple of days. Do you know what is worse then having gastro? Having to go to work with gastro! Not a pleasant situation. My poor flatmate didn't know what to do this morning when we were in peak hour traffic on the West Gate Bridge and I am about to be sick. He couldn't get to the emergency lane so told me I had to be sick in his brand new car, lucky I managed to hold it. It was kind of funny watching the panic on his face!

A few girls at work have bad colds and with my resistance down I caught it from them right away. By 2.00pm yesterday it had hit me full force. So I have loaded up on drugs at the chemist last night, but can anyone recommend anything to help with gastro? I have to fly for almost 24 hours tomorrow and it is not going to be pleasant. I have tried Imodium, but it isn't really doing the trick. Can I go to the doctors and get an injection or something? The friend who is travelling with me (half jokingly) told me he wants to change seats and I don't blame him!

The good news about the Aussie dollar is that I did pay for my accommodation back when it was really strong, so I can just keep my expenses down and it doesn't cost anything to lay by the beach and swim. I guess I am lucky that this is the only way that the economic crisis has affected me, a lot of people I know have it a lot worse.

I must say that the situation is so bad now that it is actually hilarious! I have only ever been on one other holiday and I got really sick the day before I left for it as well. I still managed to have a ball last time and I am sure I still will this time. OK, I need to go and make another electrolyte drink to get my strength up.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Overeating

I have been on the Gold Coast for the past week for a work conference (yes the GC during school holidays- fun...). Anyone not familiar with the GC should know this is a coastal city with theme parks and beautiful beaches. I have felt like a goth walking around with my dark clothes, dark hair and pale skin. I look like a vampire compared to all the beach babes here. I don't think my self esteem could take living here!

This trip has hammered home a few issues for me. The biggest thing I have learnt is that I should not have a job in which I travel because I have a problem with overeating. This has been a very boring trip and all I think about is what I am going to order for breakfast or dinner. You'll notice that I skip lunch, that is because I often eat so much for breakfast that I can't eat lunch.

I always arrive with the best intentions and often get through the first day ok. Then by day two I break because there is so much delicious free food and alcohol being thrown at me and I just can't say no. I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I have had food restricted from me for so long that when an opportunity arises to indulge, I can't stop eating. When I was young this used to be at birthday parties, sleep-overs or school camps. Then when I went to uni I gained a stack more weight when I realised I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Since then it has been an on-going battle.

Last night a group of people I met during the conference were going out for dinner, but instead I wanted to hole myself in my room and order room service. At one point I decided that I really felt like some take away so I went for a walk to get some dimsims and of course, mid-dim sim I ran into the people that I had declined to go out with because I was 'too tired'. I made a lame excuse and left, but it didn't stop me. I then went and ordered a large meal from Oporto and went back to my room to eat it. I was pretty full, but an hour later I decided I wanted (not needed) something else. I couldn't possibly eat a full meal so I ordered some bread and dips and profiteroles for dessert from room service. I was so full by the end of the night that I couldn't sleep. I lay in my room feeling hot and full and revolting for half the night.

I am really embarrassed to write this post, but I am hoping that it will make me face up to this problem. To be honest, I am not really sure the best way to conquer it, every time I think I am getting there I lose the plot again.





--------------------------------------------------

Thanks for all the supportive comments I got after yesterdays post on money and family. I have written off the debt because chasing it is too upsetting. I agree that you should never lend what you can't afford, that is something my dad always told me, but now I have learnt my lesson. As difficult as it is to lose the money, it is the situation that is by far the most upsetting.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

A Bit Down

I am a bit upset about something that I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone I know about but I really need to get it off my chest. I am really loyal to my family, which is why I don't want to tell anyone I know about this situation because I would hate for them to hold it against my brother.

A few weeks ago my older brother moved to Canada to live with his fiance and I couldn't be happier for them both. The problem is that I feel like I may have been played for a bit of a sucker. I worry a lot about my brother's happiness and he has some problems with depression, drugs and alcohol so to say I can't sleep at night because I worry is an understatement. You can imagine that with these problems he also has some money issues so over time I have tried to help him out. In recent times I have given him $1000 to pay for accommodation, I have paid for all family presents that he has supposedly put money in for and I have paid for his share of two family holidays. I also offered to pay for his ticket to Canada which ended up costing a fortune because he couldn't be bothered to apply for the Visa and by the time it came through he had to leave in a week and I had to pay top price for the ticket. That is all ok because I have offered to do this and I wanted to do whatever I could to help out.

The reason I now feel like I have been played a bit is because the day before he left he said he needed to have $4000 in his account so that he could be admitted into Canada and he only had $2000. He had been living rent free at my gran's for a year and supposedly saving for this and had told me numerous times he had the money. So I said I would lend him the $2000 but I would need it back as soon as he got there. I get paid monthly and this just happened to fall on the day I got paid so it was practically my whole pay and all the money I had for my holiday to Hawaii next week. I honestly believed he would pay me back right away and I didn't have a problem with lending him the money.

So you can see where this is going, it has been almost 3 weeks and I have sent 5 emails asking for the money and they have all been ignored. I know he is getting them because he has answered other family members emails and been on facebook. I even let him know just how badly I needed the money and I still didn't hear back. I have now resigned to the fact that I am not getting the money back and I am not going to ask again because it is too upsetting. I just feel like I have been punched really hard in the stomach to be treated like this by my brother who I have done so much for. It is just a bit sickening and I feel like a fool.

The other problem is that I have no money for my holiday now and my credit card is maxed out. I can't afford this holiday, but my good friend is getting married so I decided to do whatever I could to get there regardless. Most people I know think I get paid very well because I work long hours and travel so they have this idea I am some highly paid executive, but I work in publishing and anyone out there that knows anything about publishing will understand when I say that I get paid a pittance and I live most the time off my credit card. I get my next monthly pay half way through my holiday, so I will just have to be very careful until then so I guess it will be ok.

I think I am just over-reacting a little because this is just a blow on top of some other really bad situations I have had in the last few weeks with my old landlord screwing me over my bond money, getting in a whole world of trouble at work because I took the blame in a situation for someone else and my weight is getting out of control again so I just feel like this has sent me over the edge. All I know is that I need to make some big changes to my life because right now I am really unhappy, but that is another post in itself. I am sure everything will feel better when I am lying on a beach in Hawaii next week so I will just focus on that for now.

Thanks for listening.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Fu*k It!

So the game didn't work out quite how we would have liked. :-( We drowned our sorrows all night and I am paying for it today. It's nothing some pizza and fudge brownies won't fix.


Tense times...



Half time Ling-tini's, what else could you name an orange cocktail?!



During the last quarter when things got bad. Note my brother in the back ground pouring a large vodka.



How we felt after the game



You can tell I am drunk when my lazy eye comes out



That's what I think of the game



Singstar to ease the pain





Friday, September 26, 2008

A Few Things

HENS NIGHT...

The hens night went fabulously and everyone had a great time. It was one of the best nights I have had in ages. Everyone got along really well, which is great because no one really knew each other. I got beyond drunk and confused and when my friend was picking me up at 4.00am I told him I was on Fitzroy street in St Kilda. He couldn't find me, so he rang me back and asked heaps of questions about my exact location, which I answered properly. My brother even lives on Fitzroy street and he was asking me where I was in relation to his flat and I was still responding, saying "yeah I am on the same side of the street and just to the right...". I eventually realised I was actually on Queen street in the city- kind of a big difference for anyone who knows Melbourne!





I am the girl not wearing a pink sash

As terrible as the above photos are, I think they are an accurate representation of the night. Take special note that I had spilt a drink on myself. I wonder if this was before or after I took out all the glasses on the table with the microphone cord during karaoke... It was definitely before I smashed a glass in the club and fell on my back. No wonder I felt like I was going to die for 2 days after.

MOTIVATION...

Motivation is seeing an old friend (who you are no longer friends with) on facebook who used to be bigger then you has lost heaps of weight and looks great. Damn her.



FOOTY...

My beloved cats are in another grand final tomorrow. I am equal parts excited and nervous. I did everything I could possibly do to get tickets again and once again I had no luck. Don't get me started on my rant about how the AFL are corporate bastards that make it impossible for the true fans to get tickets. It is enough to make me not bother buying a membership next year. I know a lot people who are going that don't barrack for either team and are just going because they have connections who got them tickets. Those people are dead to me. Anyway, I'll still have fun cheering the guys on and will ensure I make more of my Ablettini's that were such a success last year.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Scales




I have decided not to weigh myself until the end of the year. I am sick of defining myself by the number on the scale. I tend to let what I weigh change how I feel about myself. If I weigh 108 kilos then I don't want to go out with friends and I even feel less confident at work. I start to change my behaviour the day before I weigh myself by avoiding eating out and eating a light dinner. I normally drink a lot of water during the night and I won't let myself do this if I am going to weigh myself the next day.

The turning point was when a friend sent me a hysterical email because she had weighed herself that morning and gained 200 grams. She had started exercising twice a day and cut her calories right back to try and lose weight. She only has 5 kilos to lose and her body fat percentage had gone down and she had lost centimetres from her waist, thighs and stomach. So it was obvious that she had lost weight and probably gained muscle yet she was crying and upset because the scales had said she had gained weight. I really felt for her because we have all been in that place, but it took seeing it happen to someone else to realise how crazy it is.

There are so many factors that can influence the numbers on the scale and make them inaccurate so it is ridiculous for me to place so much importance on them. I want to get fit, lose weight and eat some delicious foods while doing it and I don't need the scales to help me with any of that.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Low Carb Recipes

I know there are a few other low carb followers out there so I thought I would post some of my meal ideas and recipes. I would love to know if anyone else has any low carb recipes that they recommend!

LOW CARB MEAL IDEAS

• Chicken breast stuffed with spinach dip, cheese and salami and baked in the oven
• Rissoles filled with pesto and cheese
• Chicken breast cooked in a sauce made up of cream and pesto
• Asparagus spears wrapped in prosciutto and grilled
• Omlette filled with onion, capsicum, ham and cheese
• Antipesto platter- olives, a selection of cheeses, salami, dips with celery sticks
• Salad with Spanish chorizo, your favourite cheese (I use Mersey Valley), olives and lettuce and a good olive oil dressing
• Caesar salad with cos lettuce, eggs, bacon, parmesan cheese and a creamy dressing
• Chicken cordon bleu (chicken breast bake with ham and cheese)


RECIPES

Cream Cheese Muffins
2 pks. philadelphia cream cheese
1/2 cup splenda
½ cup of cream
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
Cinnamon


1. Soften cream cheese about 40 seconds in microwave
2. Add other ingredients and beat with mixer till smooth
3. Pour into 12 muffin pans lined with the papers
4. Sprinkle each muffin with cinnamon
5. Bake at 180 for 20 min.

Cauliflower Bake
Cauliflower
Cream
Cheese


1. Steam cauliflower and layout in a baking dish
2. Mix together cream and grated cheese in a bowl
3. Pour mixture over cauliflower
4. Bake in the oven for 45 minutes at 180.
You can also use zucchini or broccoli or a mixture of all three vegetables.

Zucchini Quiche
12 eggs
½ cup of cream
2 zucchini’s
Grated cheese


1. Beat eggs in a bowl with a fork until mixed
2. Grate zucchini’s and squeeze out all excess water
3. Add all over ingredients and mix together
4. Pour into a greased pie dish.
5. Sprinkle the top of the quiche with season all
6. Bake for 25 minutes at 180


Beef and Red Wine Casserole (slow cooker)
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
2 tablespoons oil
1 onion, peeled and quartered
2 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
3 rashers bacon, rind removed and chopped
3/4 kg steak, cut into 2cm cubes
1 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon oregano
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 cup beef stock
1 cup red wine


1. Heat butter or margarine and oil in a frypan.
Add onions, garlic, bacon and saute until
onions are tender. Lightly dust meat in flour
before browning.
2. Add meat and cook until brown.
3. Transfer to the Slow Cooker and add
remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on Low
for 8-10 hours or on High for 4-5 hours. Add
seasonings to taste.

Chilli Con Carne
1 onion, peeled and finely chopped
1 clove garlic, peeled and crushed
350g minced beef
1 x 400g can tomatoes, roughly chopped
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon chilli powder (add more or less if
desired)/1 tablespoon fresh chilli, chopped


1. Heat a little oil in a frypan. Saute onions and
garlic until tender
2. Add meat and cook until just brown
3. Add remaining ingredients
5. Serve with grated cheese and sour cream

Savoury Muffins
250g philadelphia cream cheese
1 small red onion
80g baby spinach leaves
60g salami finely chopped
salt and pepper
2 eggs lightly beaten


1. Soften philly in the microwave for 20 seconds
2. Combine softened philly, onion, spinach and salt and pepper and mix well.
3. Stir in beaten egg and spoon into pans
3. Top each muffin with cheese
4. Bake at 180 for 15min or until set and golden

Sausage and onion frittata
1 tsp oil
2 thick 100% beef sausages
1 red onion, cut into wedges
1 tsp oregano leaves
4 eggs
1 1/2 tspns djorn mustard
sea salt and cracked pepper
baby rocket, to serve


1. Preheat a small frying pan over high heat
2. Add the oil and sausages and cook for 5 minutes
3. Add the onion and cook for a further 5 minutes or until golden and the sausages are cooked through
4. Remove the sausages and cool slightly and slice
5. Return to the pan with onions and sprinkle with oregano leaves
6. Lightly beat the eggs, mustard, salt and pepper and pour over the sausage and onion
7. Reduce heat to low, cover with a lid and cook for 10minutes or until set
8. Top with rocket to serve

Creamy Cheesy Chicken
Oil to coat pan
1 clove garlic
200g chicken breast, diced
½ cup broccoli, cut up
½ cup cauliflower, cut up
¼ cup cream, could maybe adjust that amount
1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese
Pepper & salt


1. Sauté garlic in oil add chicken and stir fry over heat until nearly cooked add salt and pepper, remove chicken
2. Add veggies to pan stir-fry for a few minutes
3. Add about 2 tablespoons of water, lower heat and steam till tender
4. Return cooked chicken to pan. Add cream and bring to boil stirring frequently until sauce cooks down and thickens
5. Add cheese stir until melted

Thai Chicken Patties
1 kg chicken mince
1 big handful coriander, chopped finely
1 big handful thai mint, chopped finely
2 cm cube ginger, chopped finely
Chives, chopped
1 cup bread crumbs
1 egg
1 small chilli, seeds removed and chopped finely
Juice of 1 lime
1 tablespoon fish sauce (optional)
Salt & pepper


1. Put all ingredients into bowl and mix thoroughly with hands until they're all even mixed through.
2. Roll into patties and fry until golden brown in 1 tablespoon olive oil on high heat.

Chicken and Zucchini Pasta
1 large zucchini
1 garlic clove, crushed
double cream
leftover cooked chicken, shredded
Parmesan cheese
Freshly ground salt and black pepper
butter/olive oil


1. Slice the zucchini up into spaghetti like strips then saute with some butter and/or olive oil and garlic
2. Add chicken and saute until chicken is warmed through
3. Add a few spoonfuls of cream, a sprinkle of parmesan and season with salt and pepper to taste

CHEESECAKE
1pkt diet jelly
1 tub marscapone cheese
1 tub of philly cream cheese


1. Microwave cream cheese for 20 secs
2. Beat with marscapone
3. Prepare jelly but only use half the required water than what it says to on the packet
4. Beat into cheese mixture
4. Put in pan and set in fridge

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ups and Downs

Thanks for all your cool comments on my last post about the hens night. You spurred me on to cancel the hotel and the topless bar guy and organise something where everyone can pay for themselves as they go. I got a bit panicked trying to find a venue that would host 10 drunk girls at incredibly late notice and have just now found the perfect solution. I booked us a private room at a karaoke bar. There is a new place in the city that is apparently a 'luxurious' karaoke venue where you get your own room until 3.00am and a waiter comes in and brings food and drinks as you order them. I think karaoke will be a good icebreaker too because none of us know each other- embarrassing yourself in front of people you don't know is the ultimate way to bond!

So what else has been happening... My brother moved to Canada last Sunday which was very sad. His fiance lives there so he is going over for a couple of years. Ultimately they both want to move back to Australia (for weather reasons!) but because of visa problems they have to stay in Canada. I would love to go and visit some time next year and travel across the US and Mexico as well. If only I could win the lottery...

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything lately, I just have so much to do and not enough time- I guess everyone feels like this. I am suffering from sleep deprivation that led to me dissolving in tears on my lunch break on Tuesday. Lucky I was sitting in the car so no one saw me as I am not usually one to cry about this stuff, but I just felt like everything was too much and I couldn't cope. My main stresses are work (as usual), money (my crazy debt is making me feel like I can't breathe), weight (none of my clothes fit and I can't find anything to wear to work) and about a billion little things that make me feel inadequate and like I am failing- like the fact I need to do my ironing, grocery shopping, change my sheets, call family, clean my shower, visit my gran in the nursing home, pluck my eyebrows, email friends, paint my toe nails, plan my up-coming holiday, do some exercise, wax my legs and pay my bills. None of those things are a big deal, but combined with the big things, my life feels out of control. I think I just need some sleep!

I don't want to be a huge downer, so in happier news:

~ It is 3 weeks and 1 day until I go to Hawaii
~ Geelong are playing in the pre-liminary finals tomorrow night- Go Cats!
~ My hair looks awesome today
~ There are only 10 working hours until the weekend
~ I am rocking low carb eating this week
~ I am starting to feel better from my op
~ My brother is having a great time in Canada and seems happy for the first time in years
~ A friend of a friend loaned me the first series of Gossip Girl

Life isn't that bad after all! :-)

Thanks again for all your comments, as usual, they really made a difference.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Party Ideas???



I offered a while back to organise a hens night (or bachelorette party for you Americans) for a friend a while back. She isn't having bridesmaids, but I am one of her closest friends in Australia (she moved here from the US two years ago). So, because we have both been busy at work, nothing really came of it until last week when she emailed me and asked me to put it together for this Saturday. Shit!!!

She gave me a list of friends (7 girls) and her only two instructions were that she wants it at a hotel suite in the city and she wants a stripper. So (at great expense) I found a hotel suite that is available during the prelim finals here in footy crazy Melbourne. I kind of stepped in and vetoed the stripper idea. The strippers I looked up were revolting, if we saw a guy like that out at a bar we would both think he looked like a sleaze. I think she also didn't think about how awkward it would be. I went to a hens night with a stripper and it was really embarrassing and I am not a prude at all. Instead I found a topless waiter who is HOT HOT HOT, but in a tasteful and sophisticated way- if you can use those words about topless waiters. Anyway, this guy will help with food and drinks and party games so I will be paying him to do something useful as well as look good.


This is him, I am not sure if I am allowed to post pics of people, but I got it from the website so I hope it is ok!

Now, this is where I need help. I really want it to be an awesome night for her but I am a bit lost. Does anyone have any good ideas for games?

Are there any rules I should follow? I saw on a website before that I am supposed to buy her a hens present. I didn't even think of this! Is there anything else I am missing?

What is your opinion on sex toys? To dildo or not to dildo, that is the question...

Please help! Thrifty ideas are especially appreciated because this is costing me an absolute fortune.

*** Update- awkward situation. Two of the girls I invited just emailed me to say that they think the $50 contribution to festivities I asked for was too high. The hen said to ask for $50 from everyone to cover the hotel suite and she thought everyone would be fine with that (ie. all young, single girls with jobs). Even if everyone who comes gives me $50 I will still be out of pocket by hundreds of dollars! They also said they were bringing a friend each and that the friends shouldn't have to pay because they are guests. But they will still be getting free food and alcohol that I am buying! I don't know what to say, I hate these situations.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wake Up Call

Oh dear. I just decided to get up and wanted to put on something loose and comfortable. So I got a skirt that was falling off me last summer and guess what? That's right, I can barely get it on.



Wake up call well and truly received. There is still time before summer. Time to get serious because I want that skirt falling off me again by summer. I am back on the low carb as of this second. No more eating chocolates from bed.

Does anyone else get sick of hearing me say the some shit over and over again? I know I am sick of myself.

My Week In Pictures

I am still sick in bed because my 'small op' was a little more complicated then expected. I can get out of bed all by myself now and have even been working from bed. I have committed to go back to work tomorrow, but it's Friday so it shouldn't be too bad I guess. I don't have much to say except "ouch" so instead I will leave you with some pictures that have summed up my last couple of weeks. As you can see it really hasn't been too bad!



BED
I think I have finally caught up with all my sleep from the last 12 months.




LOVE MY WAY
A friend bought me the first 3 series of this show to watch while I have been sick and it is awesome- I am addicted.




CHOCOLATES
What better excuse to eat chocolates?




PAIN KILLERS
Let me just say that I love pain killers.




FLOWERS
I have been such a lucky girl to receive flowers from my family and colleagues. It really does brighten my day.

Monday, September 08, 2008

God Help Us

I am exceptionally nosey and I like to know everything about my friends, family and colleagues as well as the people they know and their friends and so forth. This is probably why I love reading blogs so much. So I was asking a girl I work with about her flatmate who is a dietitian. The girl I work with mentioned that her flatmate hates her job because she works at a clinic for women with metabolic disorders and 'all her fat clients constantly lie to her about what they eat'.

Sorry, what the fuck did you just say?

My lovely colleague was just repeating what her flatmate had said so I don't have a problem with her. What I can't believe is that her friend is a trained professional who works in a clinic for women who are struggling with weight issues and she thinks her clients are fat, dishonest, morons. I feel sorry for the women who go to this clinic for help with their weight and have to deal with this small minded idiot. She is quite young and clearly has a lot to learn so I think that the clinic should have been a bit more thorough in their selection process. Women going to this clinic all have weight problems and most of them are trying to have children so they really should be taking care to hire more compassionate and intelligent staff.

Years ago, when I was diagnosed with PCOS, the hospital sent me to see their dietitian to help with my insulin resistance and to lose weight and she was a real sweetheart. She taught me a few big lessons that have stayed with me. I still remember when she asked me what snacks I would eat if I got hungry and I said that I would maybe have a cup of tea. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "if you're hungry why don't you eat?". She also asked me what I had for breakfast and I said that I just ate dry muesli because I don't drink milk. She asked me if I enjoyed it and I said that I don't really like muesli either but I just ate it because I thought I should. Once again, she looked at me like I was crazy and said "why do you eat food you don't like?". I have never forgotten those two questions, as simple as they must seem for some people, they were what Oprah would call a light bulb moment for me.

Over the months that I saw this dietitian she was my biggest cheerleader as I lost weight and I really enjoyed her company and support. So I was very lucky in that instance but I am sick and tired of the health system letting down overweight people.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Hello From Bed

Just quickly checking in to say that my operation went fine, but it has been a bit more painful then I expected. I had a laparoscopy years ago and had barely any pain or side effects but this time I am bed ridden. They said they did 'the works' while they were in there on my uterus, bladder, ovaries and cervix and also removed endometriosis so I am guessing that is why this is so painful.

Strangely enough, the side of my stomach they took the endometriosis from is now really lopsided, it actually looks like they sucked a heap of fat from the right side of my stomach because it is now much smaller on that side. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing yet...

I have spent the last couple of days in bed and I still can't move without help. A friend stayed with me yesterday, but I am home alone today and a bit bored. I wish I had organised some food and a dvd player for my room. Lucky I have some great pain killers and sleeping tablets. I absolutely love pain killers, I barely ever take them, so they really hit me when I do. I think I could quite easily become addicted.

I did have one embarrassing fat person moment. Before you go into surgery you have to speak with about 20 different nurses and doctors who ask the same questions over and over again. One of the nurses asked me to get on the scales and it read 107 kilos, which was 8 kilos heavier then my paperwork from back in April showed. She just looked at me with a disapproving look and said "Have you gained weight?". Then she got a big piece of orange paper with the word "Issues" on it and and in big writing wrote "107 kilos!" and put it in my file to give to the surgeon. How bloody embarrassing.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Sick Leave- yay!

I am going in to hospital to have a laparoscopy tomorrow because they suspect that, on top of PCOS, I have Endometriosis. I am not too fussed about it, I have had a couple of laps before and they aren't a deal. Hopefully they can remove it and I will be free of some of the pain I have had lately. The only problem is that they have mentioned before that I may be too fat for the surgery. So that is going to be humiliating/worrying if they try to slice me open and then realise my fat is in the way and they can't do it. Sometimes I just wonder how in the world I became this person that is possibly too fat for surgery.

Aside from that, I am excited about the week of sick leave I get along with this surgery. I do think it is a sad state of affairs when you are almost looking forward to surgery because it means you won't have to go to work. I have been feeling like I am about to have a nervous breakdown at work lately, so I think the timing of this is quite good. This surgery could quite possibly be saving my career (and the lives of some of my co-workers)before I go postal.

The other exciting part about this surgery is my surgeon. I met him last week at a pre-op appointment and he is just my type. I swear to god that he was flirting with me too. OK, so complementing me on my teeth isn't exactly pillow talk, but it was the way he said it... I never think guys are flirting with me, but I walked away from this appointment feeling like a giggly school girl for the first time in ages. I guess I better shave my snail trail before surgery, must impress the surgeon! ;-)

Friday, August 29, 2008

Sunshine!



If you are in Melbourne today you would be enjoying a beautiful (almost) spring day. I actually love cold and wintry days, but I also get excited when the first signs of summer start. I am sure that come the middle of January when I am sweltering in 40 degree heat I won't be quite as excited, but right now it is enough to put an extra spring (pun intended) in my step. This sunshine is very inspiring, it makes me feel like getting active and eating fresh and healthy foods. I even broke out the fake tan and wax strips last night to get me right in the mood.

What is off putting is the pesky weight gain I have had lately. It is almost like my brain didn't connect with the fact I had gained weight until I went shopping yesterday and nothing fit me. I mean I knew I had gained weight, but I sort of dismissed it because I had other things going on to worry about. I am hitting the town with some girlfriends in Geelong on the weekend and not only do none of my clothes fit but none of the clothes I tried on in the shops looked any good. Way to put a dampener on a fun night out. Oh well, I will just have to rely on the vodka for confidence...

I have been back in the swing of things with my low carb eating this week and feeling good again so I know I'll get there in time. I just get a bit excited and feel like after a day of eating on plan I should miraculously lose 15 kilos and fit into all my clothes again. I then torture myself and try on clothes I know won't fit and then stand in front of the mirror and try to talk myself into thinking I can get away with it. I mean if I suck my stomach in and stand on this angle with my s